Sweetest Scout

Sweetest Scout, 

I know that you're there. You may be small, but your bark AND bite are quite mighty. I know this for a fact and, contrary to what you might believe, I do NOT need a piercing reminder at random intervals throughout the day. I am in awe of your ability to mimic the sounds of both your human and parrot brethren but I will skin the bastard who taught you the battle cry of the Sun Conure. 

Your loving chew toy, 
Mum

Dearest Loki

Dearest Loki (my bird, not the Norse dude),

It is far too early to be pissed off at your straw toy. You have no less than a half dozen other perches PLUS a boing. Lose the attitude or I just might lose your boca nuts/true fruits treats. Whoopsie!

Lovingly,
Mum

An Open Letter to My Flock

My Beautiful Flock,

Just because I am awake and the sun is up does not mean that you need to air your grievances long and loud. I do not care if your Roudybush to Zupreem ratio is not to your liking. I feel no sympathy for the fact that you dug out your favorite parts of the Nature's Garden blend and are being forced to eat what's left. I am not impressed by your papaya dunking abilities or your predilection for making pellet soup. We have a schedule, you know the schedule and I am not changing the schedule for whatever bug you have up your collective butts. 

Sincerely,
Mum (aka: the woman who feeds you, bathes you, snuggles you AND cleans up your poop)